DawgTalkers.net Forums DawgTalk Tailgate Forum Giving up a dream?

Hey Dawgs, I've got a question for you all.

I am 23, married, with two kids. For the last 6 years I have had a dream to become a college football coach. I am wrapping up college to do this. I have 3 years of high school coaching experience.

As Im preparing to enter a 4th season, the coach who hired me was replaced. The new coach at my high school has not even wanted to sit down and speak with me regarding a position on his staff.

With my working hours, I can not commute anywhere else to coach. Im a 7:30-4 guy.

Going through this has been tough. But then I got to thinking...

"Self, you have two kids with a lot of responsibility. You didn't play college football. In order to start out at the college level, you have to put in a ton of hours with no pay. This is not an option with a family. Maybe it's time to just give up."

What do you guys think? Is it really time to give up on my dreams? I understand the NEVER GIVE UP theme, but there is no point in chasing an unachievable goal.

What's your honest opinion? Im not asking you to make my decision for me, Im just asking what YOU personally would do.

"Don't give up, Don't ever give up!" Coach V

You're going to have to decide which goal is more important ... raising the family or working to get your college job. Achieving goals usually means sacrifices, and one of those two is probably going to have to get the short end of the stick.

I wouldn't call it "unachievable" ... just more difficult than other things.

If you don't try, you can't fail, but you can't succeed either. Do you really want to go through life telling yourself, "If only I had..."?

Seems you've done the math so to speak but still a tough call . Oddly enough a friend of mine is being asked to make the same choice with a different set of circumstances. His dream job is at hand and it is everything he ever wanted and more but involves relocation and his wife is so not on board so his choice is dream and no family or family with no dream and resentment .

Isn't family supposed to support you? Now, taking this from someone like myself who pretty much ruined his marriage by travel for work, might not be the best thing to do but I am happier than I have ever been. IMO, family is supposed to support you and sometimes sacrifice has to be made to made - it is whether the the relationship is strong enough to handle it. Mine was apparently not. A simple relocation should not even be a question IMO.

IMO, it is very important for you to love what you do; lets face it, you are with your job, excluding sleep, more than your family. I cannot understand how relocation to take a dream job is a problem. Just my opinion, and maybe a dumb one as I am divorced because of my job, but I still stand by it.

Personally I'd never sacrifice my family for anything, I'd sacrifice anything for them.

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Isn't family supposed to support you?

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My thoughts exactly . I might add that this job adds an immediate 35K to his income with almost unlimited future growth .

Here she is an important person in the lives of those around her . Moving means she is just his wife ...or some craziness like that .

What's your wife saying... have you spoken to her about this?

Dude, if she's with you, then you have to at least consider following your dream.

Read Holmgrens story.. HS History teacher, HS Coach,, took a chance to go to a college program,, struggled a bunch.. Look at him now.

There can be, if you are good enough and have enough faith in yourself, a great future..

But it starts with having your spouse being willing.....

Tough decision.., but I envy you.... at your age, my vision was where was I going out to tonight and was I gonna get lucky...LOL

Absolutely.

If it involves putting them, or their well-being at risk, I don't want any part of that. I would find a compromise (or alternative).

No dude. Don't give up man. Just ask the new coach if he has a spot for you. Life is too short to let pride get in the way. In order to get anywhere, you are going to have to suck it up sometimes.

Seems like the overwhelming majority of people here are telling you to go for it and make the sacrifice. I disagree, but I think you just need to figure out if your relationship is strong enough to make it through this or not and if you're willing to miss out on a lot of things in your kids lives in order to attempt to realize your dream.

Personally, being there for my kids and their mother for every first step, words, ride without training wheels, practice, game, recital, etc. is my dream, so its a no brainer for me. Not everyone is the same and one way isn't more right than the other. Just figure out whats right for you and do it. That's the best advice I can give you.

The children's needs and wants should come first. What will make you the best father possible for them?

Sometimes goals can be put on hold.

Coaching or not this year doesn't mean you have to make this decision now.

What kind of degree are you going for?? I think that makes a difference in what your goals might be.

There is nothing wrong with changing goals. I wouldn't look at it as giving up a dream. You now have 2 young children who need to be clothed, fed, educated, and raised.

IMO as long as your goals are also doing what is best for them, go for it. If your goals are going to somehow take away from doing what is best for them, then you might need to reassess.

Is isn't a case of it being 'there goes my life" it's just a change.

I think Kenny Chesney sang it well:


All he could think about was I'm too young for this
Got my whole life ahead
hell I'm just a kid myself
how I'm gonna raise one

All he could see were his dreams going up in smoke
So much for ditching this town and hanging out on the coast
Oh well, those plans are long gone

And he said
there goes my life
there goes my future, my everything
might as well kiss it all good-bye
there goes my life.......

A couple years of up all night and a few thousand diapers later
That mistake he thought he made covers up the refrigerator
Oh yeah..........he loves that little girl.

Momma's waiting to tuck her in
as she fumbles up those stairs
she smiles back at him dragging that teddy bear
sleep tight, blue eyes and bouncing curls

He smiles
there goes my life
there goes my future my everything
I love you, daddy goodnight
there goes my life

She had that Honda loaded down
with Abercrombie clothes and 15 pairs of shoes and his American express
he checked the oil and slammed the hood, said your good to go
she hugged them both and headed off to the west coast

And he cried
there goes my life
there goes my future, my everything
I love you
baby good-bye

there goes my life

there goes my life

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What do you guys think? Is it really time to give up on my dreams? I understand the NEVER GIVE UP theme, but there is no point in chasing an unachievable goal.

What's your honest opinion? Im not asking you to make my decision for me, Im just asking what YOU personally would do.

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Browns big...Just so advise...

The most important (and most difficult) job you will ever do in you life is raise your kids and be a good husband. Keep your priorities in proper order.

A lot of coaches got their start because they knew someone...do you know anyone in coaching at the college level?...

What are you willing to do?...how low are willing to go, to hook up with college team? unpaid assistant? Mangini started as a ball boy and moved up over time.

If you are willing to do any job to stay involved with football with the hopes of being a college coach someday...send your resume out to some colleges in your area.

Also, if you take a year off from coaching HS, it's not the end of the world...it does not mean you have to give up your dream.

If the new HS coach doesn't want talk to you, it may be that he is going to bring in some people he knows as assistants...not the end of the world...that happens in football all the time, at every level...just a bump in the road.

If you should decided that you are going let your dream go, the reward you get from raising good kids is not so bad.

Just clicking...

My wife is on board with whatever decision I want to make. However, with a mortgage, 2 car payments, and two kids, I can't leave my 40 hour a week job.

The problem with commuting is that I wouldn't get to the location until practice was nearly over.

The problem here is that I don't think I could find a position that didn't cost me my job. That's why Im thinking of throwing the towel in.

Is it a possibility that you can re-locate and find a new job that would allow you to pursue coaching? I know finding a new job now would likely be difficult, but it can't hurt to look at re-locating if the family is on board with it.

Bigshot, I'd echo what Peen said and add that it really depends on whether or not your family is in it with you...(espcially your wife since your kids are probably still pretty young)

If you wife is in it with you and understands the struggles that might go along with you chasing this, then you should probably try to find a way to go for it.

If your wife isn't 100% bought in, then it's likely to cause resentment and problems when the struggles begin...

And just remember that "taking care of your family" doesn't have to mean a 3000 square foot house and Abercrombie baby clothes, especially not at this stage of your life. I assume your kids are still pretty young? They are resilient and if you love them, spend time with them, and provide the necessities for them, they will be quite happy. The key is that you and your wife need to be on the same page in this.

My advice: You are way too young to give up on your dreams. Success is only acheived through sacrifice.

If your family is willing to support you, that is all you need. If this is something you really want, don't give up on it. You will kick yourself in 10 years if you do, and there will always be a "what if.." in your mind.

why is it all or nothing?

is it possible to keep your current fulltime job while helping out on another staff or your current one in a part-time capacity?

perhaps as a scout...reviewing film, giving notes on opponents....you might even be able to just pickup the film once a week and do it from your own home and email your notes.

if it is truly your dream and you have the time, you could even 'volunteer' to do it in your free time. you need to stay connected to the football world if you want to truly keep going, it shows sacrifice that will likely result in the HC helping you find a spot on his or a friends staff when you are ready to take on that job.

in the meantime, it would give you a year to 18 months to figure out how to deal with the mortgage and family commitments in the best possible way that you can still pursue.

just my 2 cents

I think DC and Peen ahve given some great advice. But you have to realize something here...You are 23 years old. You have SO MUCH life ahead of you to be talking about throwing in the towel. You have no idea what life holds in store for you.

If this is REALLY what you want to do. Then you will find a way to make it work. That doesn't mean it is going to be easy. It may mean relocation. It may mean a new job. It may mean grovelling to this new coach. It may mean a short hiatus. There are MANY possibillities. It may even mean a modification of the dream. It is up to you keep those opportunities open and to keep an eye out for them and to find them.

I think Peen and DC are absolutely right that first and foremost that your family has to be on board. And most likely they will be. Just remember that there are Thousands upon Thousands of paths to that same goal. If that goal is REALLY what you want....you can and will find a way so that it can work for both you and your family.

Be strong, Be smart, Good Luck, and Go Get 'Em!!!!!

I coached when I got out of the service for 2 years, it started as something to do while I looked for a job and I loved working with the kids, but for the amount of effort and time you have to put in the only way I would do it again is if it were older kids and paid well enough to only have to work a part time job in addition to it. That unfortunately isn't realistic, which is why I didn't do it this past year and most likely won't be doing it this coming year. I had freshman, and it was a LOT of work . With my job, girlfriend and our kids I just couldn't justify doing it no matter how much I liked it, which I did, quite a bit...

Sounds to me like you already know what you have to do. Sit down with your wife, find out exactly how she feels about both decisions you have in front of you, ask yourself is she worth risking for your job, and then go from there.

While I would agree with asking yourself "is my wife worth risking for the sake of my chosen career?", I would also ask the opposite question "Is my chosen career worth risking for the sake of my wife?". One will almost certainly outlast the other, the question is "which one?".

At 23, you will be tending to think that your marriage will last a lifetime. The odds say "No, it won't." Being denied the opportunity for personal growth and seeking of goals can often be what destroys a marriage. There is a need for agreement and mutual support, the fact that these do not seem to be present may well be a more important issue than the decision you are currently faced with.

I should add that I was married for 11 years, one son, am divorced and have an extremely negative view not so much of marriage itself but of the processes involved in ending one.

I'm sure you've heard this before, but as we age and look back, it is not the times that we tried and failed that we regret most. What we regret are the occasions where we did not try at all.