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As a young minister in Kentucky ,I was asked by a funeral director to
hold a grave-side service for a homeless man, who had no family or
friends. The funeral was to be in a new cemetery and this man
would be the first to be buried there.

I was not familiar with the backwoods area, and I soon became lost.
Being a typical man, I did not stop to ask for directions. I finally
arrived an hour late.

I saw the backhoe and the open grave, but the hearse was nowhere in
sight. The digging crew was eating lunch. I apologized to the workers
for my tardiness, and I stepped to the side of the open grave. There I
saw the vault lid already in place. I assured the workers I would not
hold them up for long, as I told them that this was the proper thing
to do.

The workers gathered around the grave and stood silently, as I began
to pour out my heart and soul. As I preached about "looking forward
to a brighter tomorrow" and "the glory that is to come," the workers
began to say "Amen," "Praise the Lord," and "Glory!" The fervor of
these men truly inspired me. So, I preached and preached like I had never
preached before, all the way from Genesis to Revelations.

I finally closed the lengthy service with a prayer, thanked the men,
and walked to my car. As I was opening the door and taking off my coat,
I heard one of the workers say to another, "I ain't NEVER seen nothin'
like that before, and I've been puttin' in septic tanks for thirty
years!"

A Short Love Story


At this time of year I found this to be truly touching.

A man and a woman who had never met before, and were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a Trans-continental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly.....he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.



At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, 'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold.'

'I have a better idea,' she replied. 'Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married.'

'Wow! That's a great idea!' he exclaimed.

'Good,' she replied. 'Get your own Damn' blanket.'

After a moment of silence, he farted.


The End

you see, its funny because you thought they were gonna do it, but in the end, they were just acting like your average married couple

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you see, its funny because you thought they were gonna do it, but in the end, they were just acting like your average married couple

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Thanks for explaining it, I was pretty lost after reading it

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Thanks for explaining it, I was pretty lost after reading it

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But haven't you alway's been lost?

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But haven't you alway's been lost?

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I'll drink to that,

You mean I am the only one who holds services before I flush

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You mean I am the only one who holds services before I flush

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Your the only one who is required by state & federal regulations to hold service before you flush

j/c

An old couple, both close to senility - sitting around. the wife tells the husband - "go to the city and get us some pet food".

the husband obliges, and off he goes. While he's gone, the wife is watching the news. There's a report of a car driving the wrong way on the highway her husband should be on.

She calls her husband and says "honey, be very careful....there's a report of a car driving the wrong way on the road you are on".

The husband says "1 car????? Hell, there are hundreds!!"

In a forest, there's a beach tree and a birch tree.

Between them a small tree is growing. They argue whether it is a son of a beach or a son of a birch. They reach no conclusion.

A woodpecker flies in and lands on the small tree. The Beech tree says "mr. woodpecker, you are an expert in wood, could you tell us if that tree is a son of a birch or a son of a beech?"

The woodpecker obliges. After pecking for minute, he stops.

The birch tree says "well, is it a son of a beech, or a son of a birch?" The woodpecker replies "it's not a son of a beech, nor a son of a birch. But it is the finest piece of ash I've ever put pecker into"

LMAO!