DawgTalkers.net Forums DawgTalk Palus Politicus Political Jokes Pt. 4

“Can you imagine you’re a parent and your son leaves the house and you say, ‘Jimmy, I love you so much, go have a good day in school,’ and your son comes back with a brutal operation? Can you even imagine this? What the hell is wrong with our country?” - Donald Trump

And that joke got elected president.

"They're eating the checks! They're eating the balances!"

In other news..............

RFK Jr. Says Stock Market Crash Could be Reversed if Investors Drink Cod Liver Oil

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Offering a remedy to last week’s devastating crash on global stock markets, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. said on Monday that the plummeting trend could be reversed if investors would drink high doses of cod liver oil.

“Stocks are crashing because investors are in a bad mood, and the reason they are in a bad mood is because they are not getting enough Omega-3 fatty acids,” he said. “This is what caused the Great Depression.”

Bolstering the credibility of his suggestion, he added, “Dr. Oz is with me on this.”

Kennedy’s prescription, however, was met with skepticism from financial experts, who noted that tariffs on cod liver oil had made the liquid virtually unaffordable.

2025 The Movie

Written by Steven King

Directed by Quentin Tarantino

Soundtrack by Yoko Ono

Bondi Fires DOJ Employee After Finding Copy of Constitution on his Desk

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Calling it a “serious breach of the Department of Justice’s code of conduct,” on Wednesday Attorney General Pam Bondi announced that she had terminated a career DOJ employee who was caught with a copy of the U.S. Constitution on his desk.

Bondi said that the employee, who had worked at the department for 37 years, had “raised suspicions” by using “telltale phrases like ‘due process’” in DOJ memos.

At Bondi’s direction, US marshals ransacked his office, discovered the offending document, and frog-marched him out of the building.

Bondi took the opportunity to remind all DOJ staffers that the U.S. Constitution is on the Republican Party’s banned reading list.

But you’ve been pretty funny in the jokes thread this week, I’ll give you that much.

That's no joke - that's the entire Democratic platform in in 47 second twitter. . . . the only thing missing is them fir bombing Shapiro's house. I mean that was soooooo Libtard.

why do MAGA hatters suck in UFC?

Bro, they suck at life in general.

Late Breaking Headline!

Trump administration says Jerome Powell is a member of the gang MS-13. It demands ICE capture him and deport him to a prison in El Salvador on the next flight out.

Harvard to Award Trump Honorary Doctorate for Making its Approval Rating Soar

CAMBRIDGE, MA (The Borowitz Report)—To show thanks for making its approval rating soar, Harvard University announced on Thursday that it would award Donald J. Trump an honorary doctorate.

The Ivy League institution, deeply despised by Americans since its founding in 1636, released a statement thanking Trump for his “game-changing service to Harvard.”

In the statement, Harvard said that it had received Trump’s biggest public relations boost since the one he bestowed on Volodymyr Zelenskyy in the Oval Office.

“Donald J. Trump may not have built a wall with Mexico or annexed Canada,” the statement read. “But he has done something far more monumental: made Americans like Harvard.”

https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/tr..._maMIP-zTSO51_aem_1mXg_uHFLz1YmvhjViVvKg

Buddy of mine im the office is a huge Bulls fan. I was proud to let him know that he’s an MS-13 gang member.

An injunction was filed Friday in court requesting that a restraining order be handed down and given to Kristi Noem stating she be required to stay no less than 500 feet away from all Homeland Security canine officers. It has been reported that some canine officers have been caused undo mental stress and feel threatened whenever she gets close to them. The judges decision on the restraining order is expected Monday.

White House Accidentally Sent Harvard Threatening Letter Intended for Iran.......

Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth acknowledged that “mistakes were made” in a press conference at the Betty Ford Center.

The biggest reason trump hates judges?

Their robes are black instead of white and they don't wear matching hoods.

Trump Urges Vatican to Select New Pope from Cast of "Fox & Friends"

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Arguing that “it’s the smartest way to go,” Donald J. Trump urged the Vatican on Monday to select the next pope from the cast of “Fox & Friends.”

“You want to have a pope who’s good on TV,” Trump said. “The ‘Fox & Friends’ people are the best TV people in the business.”

Trump seemed to disqualify co-host Ainsley Earhardt, commenting, “I don’t know if you can have a girl pope. No knock on Ainsley, but I don’t think people are ready for that.”

Alternatively, he added, "Maybe go with Doocy--he looks like he's never had sex."

https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/tr...jwRmVmO__KreE_aem_1hmTMo-tJpNrVLGex3iOqQ

The Pope died less than 24 hours after meeting with J.D. Vance. Coincidence?

.................. By the trump administration.