DawgTalkers.net Forums DawgTalk Tailgate Forum Greetings from the Midwest

A message from the rural midwest:

Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when East Coasters and Californians cross states such as Illinois, Ohio, Indiana, Wisconsin, Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, Michigan, Missouri, Minnesota, North Dakota, and South Dakota, those states' Tourism Councils have adopted a set of informal ion guidelines. In an effort to help outsiders understand the Midwest, the following list will be handed to each driver entering the state:

1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your car.

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

4. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little trout you fish for...bait.

5. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it! You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

7. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

8. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.

9. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car you drive on weekends? We're real impressed... We have a quarter-million dollar combine that we only use two weeks a year.

10. Let's get this straight - We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

11. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to. So, you're a feminist... Isn't that cute...

12. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp, too--and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

13. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstates 70, 80, & 90 go two ways--Interstates 29, 35, & 69 go the other two. Pick one and use it accordingly.

14. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.

15. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?

16. Yeah, we have golf courses. Just don't hit in the water hazard. It spooks our fish.

17. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot, his name is "Sir." No matter how old he is.

18. The bill on your hat should turn down at the edges to shed the rain and be centered over your nose to keep the sunlight out of your eyes. Any other location/orientation makes you look like an idiot.

19. We also speak ENGLISH here, speak it or go away.


Now, enjoy your visit!

"We are never defeated unless we give up on God." --Ronald Reagan

Work

SO
WHO IS DOING THE WORK?

The population of the USA is 300
million.



160
million are retired.



That
leaves 140 million to do the work.



There
are 85 million in school.



Which
leaves 55 million to do the work.



Of
this there are 35 million employed by the federal government.




Leaving
15 million to do the work.



2.8
million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama
Bin-Laden.




Which
leaves 12.2 million to do the work.



Take
from that total the 10.8 million people who work for state and
city governments.



And
that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.




At
any given time there are 188, 000 people in hospitals.




Leaving
1,212,000 to do the work.



Now,
there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.




That
leaves just two people to do the work.




You
and me.


And
there you are,



sitting
on your ass,



at
your computer, reading jokes.



Nice.
Real nice !

Nice joke Dawg Duty but somebody can't subtract.

Quote:

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Which
leaves 55 million to do the work.

Of
this there are 35 million employed by the federal government.

Leaving
15 million to do the work.

---

55-35=20 not 15

I guess there are more than just me & you.

Yeah but those extra 5 million are supervisors so it really is just me and you, and yes i'm sittin on my ass so get to work.

Quote:

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3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

4. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little trout you fish for...bait.

---

LOL...

Quote:

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11. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to. So, you're a feminist... Isn't that cute...

12. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp, too--and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

---

I love it.....Best post of the month...Maybe year....

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14. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.

---

Believe me, being in the woods in a tree stand at sunrise or sundown is closer to god than sitting next to a uptight person who's only reason for being there is for show.

Hillbillies are so in right now.

Must be a different midwest than the one I live in.

Yeah, I dont know a lot of country folk, but I hope they arent all as stuck up as the guy who wrote that.

Where I come from...
Our t-shirts do not need sleeves.
Our hats all say John Deere.
Everyone owns at least one pickup truck.
Every male over the age of 17 has at least one scar from a mower or saw that sliced them to the bone.

Quote:

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18. The bill on your hat should turn down at the edges to shed the rain and be centered over your nose to keep the sunlight out of your eyes. Any other location/orientation makes you look like an idiot.

---

crooked hat's are a pet peeve of mine, I can't stand it even worse than the saggy pants thing.

The saggy pants just made it easier to catch them way back when, when I was younger and a juvee probation officer

I almost spit out my chewin tobacky readin that one. Most of it is the truth around here