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John works hard and spends two nights each week
bowling and plays golf every Saturday.

His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for
his birthday she blindfolds him and takes him to a
local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey,
John! How ya doin?"

Once inside his wife removes the blindfold but she's
puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

"Oh no," says John. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks John if he'd
like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and
says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf
club. I always have a Bud at the end of the first
nine, honey.

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her
arms around John, starts to rub herself all over him
and says, "Hi Johnny. Want your usual table dance, big
boy?"

John's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms
out of the club. John follows and spots her getting
into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in
beside her.

John tries desperately to explain how the stripper
must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife
is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the
top of her lungs, calling him every four letter word
in the book.

The cabby turns around and says, "Geez John, you
picked up a real b*%#* this time."

Two reformed hookers find life on the straight and narrow boring and they are always flat broke.

Flossie tells Dreama that they needto return to the game and advertise.

So the two paint the sides of their old car.... "Two Girls for $50.00" and begin driving around.

Cop pulls them over and tells them that that is illegal to advertise their business like that and that he'll jail them next time. As the cop starts to leave a Chrch van drives by with a ""Follow us Jesus Saves" sign on the van. The cop explains that that is a religious message and it is different.

The next night the cop spots the same hooker mobile but with a new message...." Two Lost Sinners in Search of Peter " !!!!!

I have heard it before, but it is still funny.

..I've heard that one a few times and it's always funny....Shot the dog...

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.

2. An old friend who once saved your life.

3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car? Think before you continue reading. This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application. You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first. Or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.


YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS................... The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box."

HOWEVER...., The correct answer is to run the old lady over and put her out of her misery, have sex with the perfect partner on the hood of the car, then drive off with the old friend for a few beers.

These happy endings just make me cry, sometimes.

Quote:

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HOWEVER...., The correct answer is to run the old lady over and put her out of her misery, have sex with the perfect partner on the hood of the car, then drive off with the old friend for a few beers.

These happy endings just make me cry, sometimes.

---

I'm all teary eye'd over here

HAHAHA

nordawg

another good one..

nordawg

That's Italian

An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period
for 2 months.
Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit.
The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing,
crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want
to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature
and distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani
suit steps out of the of the Ferrari and enters the house. He sits in
the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them:
"Good Morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't
marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll
take charge.
I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her
life. Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, 2
retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank
account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a
$4,000,000 bank account.
If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each. However, if
there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"
At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly
on the man's shoulder and tells him,
"You try again!