DawgTalkers.net Forums DawgTalk Everything Else... Goofy Immortal Part Deux

j/c:

I love their name, very heavy metal sounding. They should sponsor Metallica on tour.

Gross but very funny:

Family Heads To Public Pool For Relaxing Day Splashing In Other People's Urine

https://babylonbee.com/news/family-...ing-day-splashing-in-other-peoples-urine

I really did LOL at that.

Saw this and though it was clever ........

25 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope, and Steve Jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs.

Please Lord, don't let Kevin Bacon die!

Or Bo Diddley... that would really, really suck!

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son.
He gives the young boy 3 pennies to play with to keep him occupied.
Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back. The boy coughs up 2 of the pennies, but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.
A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the penny to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects,the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying,"I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? "

"No, an IRS Agent.”

Another one for us "Old Coots".

Just wow.

That show was funny as anything else on TV at the time, laugh track notwithstanding.

It wasn't until years after, that I discovered the inspiration for that show. Charles Addams was waaaaay ahead of his time.

haha love it

For those of us Old Coots old enough to remember

The Beverly Hillbillies

I laughed because I just heard Monster Mash on local old fashion radio

I know a guy who owns a big chunk of that song, part of the publishing rights. It’s been years since I talked to him but back then he said that song never makes less than $500k/yr, some years over $1MM in mailbox money. Owning a popular holiday song is the ticket.

I think I might have dated her older sister once upon a time.

At least you didn't marry her.

My brother might have married her 1st cousin.

When did my wife move to California???

During a routine police patrol, an officer parked his car outside a bar in Angleton, Texas.

After last call, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.

After what seemed an eternity, in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off; it was a fine, dry summer night, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights.

He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little, and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left.

At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.

The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, and promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test.

To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, “I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken.”

“I doubt it,” said the truly proud Redneck ...

“Tonight I'm the designated Decoy."

The worst thing I learned last year:

People are left utterly disgusted after learning what 'waffle stomping' is - after man reveals his wife's revolting shower habit

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-13376995/waffle-stomping-internet-revolted.html

In short, via the urban dictionary:



The worst rated comment from the article:

I thought everyone did this?

I would so beat an ass if this ever happened at my house. Smh. People are just nuts.

Sometimes, it's hard to accept that they are members of the same species as the rest of us.

As some of you may know, I sang in bands for decades. From a teenager until I was in my mid 40's. During that time I dabbled in song writing. Something I've recently decided to get back into. At this point I just got started on my first song. For some reason my mind went to a more country themed genre. First I created the title. Then the first verse came to me as well as the melody line. I believe it has all the potential to go big on the country music charts. It's titled "Momma Will You Kill the B!+ch That Broke My Heart."

"... there's cameras everywhere, I don't know where to start."

An old man calls his son and says, "Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son shouts.

"We can't stand each other anymore," the old man replies. "I'm tired of seeing her face, and I'm done talking about this. Call your sister and let her know," and he hangs up.

The son, now worried, calls his sister. "What? They're getting divorced?!" she exclaims. She immediately calls their father. "You are NOT getting divorced! My brother and I are flying home tomorrow to talk this through. Until then, don't call a lawyer or sign anything. DO YOU HEAR ME?" She hangs up.

The old man turns to his wife and says... "It worked like a charm! They're finally coming to visit!"

What is the difference between North Korea and a black hole?

One of them you can’t leave, and the other is a black hole.

Might we have found Watson's cure? Brutal clip!